If you’ve been reading my blogs up to now, you’ll notice that I’ve done a lot of different things in my life leading up to this point where I can now call myself a full time musician. I’ve been a travel agent, a nanny, a hostess on safari, a waitress and the list goes on. I really only began to pursue my musical journey at the age of 28 when I enrolled in university for a Bachelor of Arts Contemporary Music Degree.
Today I was reading a book called “Successful But Something Missing” by Ben Renshaw, and when I saw this following statement, I was blown away. It spoke to me BIG TIME and I’ll explain why, but first, here's what I read:
"Once you learn what your life is about, there is no way to erase the knowledge. No matter how afraid you become you have no choice. If you try to do something different with your life, you will always sense there is something missing" James Redfield
Holy Cow! Here’s why it spoke to me. A while back I was asked what it meant to me to continue pursuing my musical journey. My response was, "I have no choice, it's all I want to do and I feel physically sick at the thought of doing anything else, even though I've loved everything else that I've ever done in the past".
But here’s the problem with all of that.
A couple of years ago, I had returned from the States after a lengthy tour and I had exhausted my funds. Up until that point, I had been living off my savings in order to build my music career. Fear now engulfed me, as I was no longer able to support myself.
Ok so get a job I hear you say. But unlike all of the years that went before where I would happily get a job and love every minute of it, I now felt physically sick at the thought. I also felt like I would be betraying myself as I’d promised to commit to my purpose 100% and put ALL of my time, resources and energy into it.
But with seemingly no choice left, I panicked and applied for nanny jobs which I knew that I would at least enjoy as a short term solution.
I landed a six week contract in Brisbane and I moved to the city to join the family in their home. The timing was perfect as I was due to go back to the States in three months time.
What do you think? Did I do the right thing by choosing to work when I had promised myself to not waver from my focus NO MATTER WHAT?
Well, guess what happened. First day on the job, I fell over and fractured my elbow. Boom! Six weeks recovery time required. You have to be kidding me!
I was taken to the hospital to have my elbow ex-rayed and strapped, and then I was sent home to recover. Just as well my parents have a beautiful place in the country where I could keep myself out of trouble. What I did do in this period of time however, was to seek out a way back to my joyful, fearless self. Through my seeking, a good friend sent me a link to Esther (Abraham) Hicks. I obsessed over these youtube videos, and here began my physical, emotional and spiritual recovery.
In six weeks time, I moved back to Brisbane to fulfill a commitment I’d made to another family, and you guessed it, first day, AGAIN, I fell ill and couldn’t continue. Time to re-assess my motives I thought to myself.
This is why the above statement that I read, touched me so deeply. In the face of fear, I had to learn to trust in myself and other forces unseen and I cannot tell you how difficult that is, but boy am I glad that I chose to stay the course and continue to let go and allow myself to be guided. I now have an intense knowing that I am right where I am meant to be and I have developed the skills to help abate any fear that threatens to creep back in.
Thankfully, I’m also a bit of a minimalist, so I don’t need material stuff to make me happy and today my life feels richer than ever. What I DO have is an enormous support system through my extended family and friends all around the world. I definitely appreciate that I could not be living my purpose without that kind of support. I look at other artists and I take my hat off to those who are out there honouring themselves. I now understand exactly what that takes.
I hope you’ve enjoyed my story this week and I look forward to continuing this journey with you.